Ups and Downs

I've never been fat, but I'm usually bigger than what I would like to be. Last year I was pretty happy with my weight. Now, I need to start being careful again. I was 130 pounds when I graduated high school. I remember because I lied about my weight by 10 pounds when I ordered my graduation gown. I told myself that I would lose the weight before I took the walk across stage. I didn't. After three years of college, I swelled up to 150. The funny thing is that I was the most confident during this time. Well, some stuff happened. I kind of went through a depression and didn't eat very much. I lost 30 pounds in two months. I remember how happy I was the day I got on the scale, and it said 119. I could say that I weighed under 120. I maintained this weight for a good while, fluctuated a pound or two. I never went over 124. As long as I stayed in the lower 120's, I was happy.

But then I stopped keeping track. A couple months later, I weighed myself and I was in the upper 120's. I used to always be able to loose a couple of pounds in a week if I really tried. But here lately, it's not working. It seems like no matter what I do, I can't. I just want to be back in the lower numbers. It's silly, I know. You can't even tell a physical difference in a couple of extra pounds. It's just that I feel like I look better. I know that I really don't, but I feel like I do. I really need to start doing something, because today I weighed 129. I absolutely cannot go out of the 20's back into the 30's. So, I've decided if I blog about my daily progress, it may help keep me on track.

My insecurites

I got ripped off in the gene pool department. On my dad's side of the family, the women have big hoo-ha's and saddlebags on their thighs. On my mom's side of the family, they have iddy-biddy titties and bird legs. Imagine: big boobs and long, skinny legs. Sounds perfect, right? But no, I got ripped. Small boobs and short, athletic legs. I would still say that I'm an attractive girl, but I definitely don't have my dream body.

I'm very critical about my legs. Right now, it's 90 degrees outside, but you won't find me wearing shorts. Sometimes I'll wake up and feel pretty good about myself. I'll think "okay, the shorts don't look so bad." After a couple of hours, that confidence wears off and I'll feel uncomfortable and exposed. What induces this change of mindset? Usually when I see a girl who I think is much better looking than me. I'll admire her legs and wish mine looked that good. Girls are weird like that. We all do it. I might think she looks perfect, but she probably feels the same way about some one else.

Every one has that one (physical) thing they wish they could change about themselves. And mine is my legs. The small boob part isn't so bad...thank God for Victoria's Secret.